Published on Slackjaw on 8 May

Coldplay: You have built a treehouse in which you will live for the duration.

The Eagles: Keeping your fridge stocked with beer has become your life purpose.

Bob Marley: Keeping your fridge stocked with peanut butter and bananas has become your life purpose.

Shania Twain: You miss your hairdresser the most.

Guns N’ Roses: You miss your bartender the most.

The Beach Boys: You are slowly losing your mind.

Mariah Carey: Your neighbors thought they knew you.

Black Sabbath: You have formed a vigilante group to make sure people stay indoors.

Backstreet Boys: Your dog thinks about eating you.

Motorhead: The staff in your liquor store are afraid for you.

Motley Crue: The staff in your liquor store have barred you.

Elvis: 1950s-style living is not the great laugh you remembered.

Bob Dylan: You walk the streets and wonder where everyone is.

Bruce Springsteen: You write poems and hand them to grocery clerks.

Frank Sinatra: Your children wish you slept more.

Taylor Swift: You have bigger fish to fry, like climate change.

The Doors: You look out your window and think it must be Sunday.

Justin Bieber: When this all over you are getting a tattoo with the dates of lockdown.

Kanye West: You have a conspiracy theory.

AC/DC: Your neighbors are not sleeping so well.

Eminem: You have decided to never return to work.

Creedence Clearwater Revival: You were prepared for something like this for decades.

Neil Young: You prefer lockdown.

Alanis Morissette: You regret not having a TV.

Metallica: You have stockpiled food and ammunition.

Fleetwood Mac:Youhave stockpiled candles and flour.

The Bee Gees: You are angry for the first time in your life.

Garth Brooks: You wish you lived alone.

Prince: You wish you lived in a commune.

Led Zeppelin: The fact that you get excited going to the supermarket smudges your soul.

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